


Storm, Silence, and Everything in Between

by Argentina



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 02:24:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17295932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argentina/pseuds/Argentina
Summary: Alexander Hamilton and storms are never a good combination. The bathroom floor is never a good place to be either, but he ends up there anyway.What are the chances that Thomas Jefferson finds him nearly unconscious on the ground in the middle of the night?





	Storm, Silence, and Everything in Between

A/N: Greetings, everyone! This is my first fanfic I’ve ever written or posted on any platform. I’ve been reading fanfics for years now, and I’ve only just started to write. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Enjoy the story!

 

 

Alex’s footsteps echo through the lengthy hallways of Princeton College. The young man was always in a rush, whether it be typing an essay or grabbing some coffee. The one thing that most people wouldn’t expect though, is that the reason he is running this time is because of the raging thunderstorm taking place right outside the building. 

A light drizzle or just rain without thunder would have been satisfactory for Alexander Hamilton, but of course things can’t always go his way. It’s true that he has faced this situation countless times, but it’s been nearly a year since his previous encounter, and he had Lafayette by his side. 

His legs are barely keeping him up, and he wonders how they’re managing to propel him for so long. A hysterical noise rises in his throat as he ponders the different paths his life could lead him to right now. His friends must be asleep right now, so he doesn’t want to wake them for something as stupid as Alexander Hamilton suffering a panic attack from the rain. Alexander Hamilton, the genius who is supposed to be a role model for everyone in his college. If only the world knew how childish he really was. 

With his friends out of the picture, Alex doesn’t have many options left. The remaining possibilities are nothing plausible, but he’ll have to choose anyway. Thomas Jefferson is someone you’d expect to find lounging around the campus at unholy hours, so there’s always a chance that Alex runs into him. Alex squeezes his eyes shut and makes a turn to avoid the library entrance. Jefferson reads a lot. 

The young writer makes a mental note to cross that option off his list. The library is his safe haven, but the timing needs to be correct. At 3 am in the morning, Jefferson is more likely to be there than anywhere else. Alexander works hard, but Thomas works just as much. There’s a reason that they’re both rivals in every sense of the word. 

Inhaling sharply, the all-too-familiar feeling of his chest constricting rushes over him. Tears uncontrollably form at the corners of his eyes with every shuddering breath he takes. There isn’t much time before this feeling develops into a full blown panic attack, and Alex knows it. 

His next option is to head back to his dorm that he shares with John, but he knows better than to interrupt his roommate’s much needed sleep. He doubts that he can steady his breathing enough to sneak into the room unnoticed anyway. That leaves him with the choice of taking a walk outdoors, or he could just lock himself in a bathroom stall and hyperventilate until he passes out. 

The closest exit was through the lobby, and there has to be people there. That leaves him with only one scenario. The dull ache in his legs suddenly become apparent as he drops into the cold tiles of the bathroom. 

He doesn’t even bother to crawl to a stall, because his vision was dimming at the edges. His lungs were desperately grasping at whatever oxygen they could find, but it’s not enough.

He reaches into his pockets, where he was sure he last placed his phone. Sure enough, it was there. Squinting at the notifications, he decides that he doesn’t have enough time to read all the spam messages, especially not in his current state. Unlocking the phone was more of a challenge than he expected with his trembling hands, but he manages.

Should he really call someone? Would they mind? His fingers slip a couple of times while trying to open his contacts, and he can barely read anyway. Tears blur his vision and he sinks his entire body to the floor, but not before randomly tapping on a contact name and pressing the call button. 

He’s sure that he’s crying right now, but he is too far gone to be able to hear himself. All his surroundings fade away. Well, almost.

He may not be able to hear, but he can still vaguely feel the cold floor against him, and that’s how he knew someone’s hands were on him and were currently shaking him gently. 

“-lex.” Is it Eliza, Angelica? No, it’s more of a male voice. “Can -hear me?” 

Alex wants to say yes, yes he can hear the other person. He can also hear the rain through the walls, but he ignores that. He is infinitely grateful for them being here right now, so he tries to say it, but all that comes out of his mouth is a rasping noise. 

“Breathe.” The word doesn’t sound like a command, but a plea. Can’t the person see that he couldn’t? It’s not that he wasn’t trying. A clap of thunder rings through the entire building, and he inhales sharply and presses his palms over his ears.

Arms guide him to a sitting position, and he found that he could breathe slightly better, though he could still pass out any second. 

Opening his eyes just a bit, he could make out the outline of a person with curly hair. That could be anyone, though. John, Lafayette, and Hercules all had curly hair. It was in a ponytail, so he figures it couldn’t be Hercules.

Alex rubs his eyes to clear his vision a bit, and squints at the person again. 

No, that can’t be right. Jefferson?

Panic rises in his chest again. He had Jefferson’s number saved from a group project a few months ago. Is there a chance he could’ve called his rival instead of a friend? He already knew the answer to that, though.

Pressing his forehead to his knees, Alex can hear his own crying and gasping again. He squeezes his eyes shut, wanting to block out the world. He almost wishes that he could pass out right now, but his body was not obeying.

What confuses him he most is why Jefferson is being nice to him. He didn’t want sympathy from him, especially not out of pity.

“Alex, breathe. It’s okay, just breathe.” Jefferson was hesitant to place his hands on Alex, but he does so anyway. He awkwardly wraps his arms around Alex, and Alex nearly flinches in surprise. He doesn’t pull away though, so Jefferson takes that as a good sign. 

“Alex. Listen to me.” Jefferson runs his fingers through the younger man’s hair. Alex always enjoyed someone stroking his hair, so he allowed it. “I know you hate me, but I’m not going to leave you here.” 

The stay like that for a minute or so, with Jefferson trying to comfort Alex and Alex regaining control of his breathing. 

He tries his best to steady his sobs and form some words. “Why-“ his voice is raspy and he has to swallow and cough before continuing his sentence. “Would you help me?”

Jefferson raises an eyebrow. “You really take me as the type of person to leave someone when they need help? Also, you called me.” Of course, Jefferson had to be the person he ended up calling. Alex sighs and runs his sleeve across his face, leaning out of the embrace. 

“Well, you’re not exactly the friendliest person there is. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you. I just tapped someone at random.” A sense of embarrassment floods him and he looks away, knowing that his face is turning red. Jefferson was being awfully kind, but he still didn’t feel entirely comfortable being around him. 

Jefferson simply nodded, knowing that what Alex said was true. He felt a pang of guilt, wondering how life would be different if he wasn’t so narcissistic. Sometimes, he wishes that he could go back and do it all over again and be a better person. Then maybe, just maybe he would be friends with the group of people he has always looked up to. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to antagonize you.” Alex mumbles after seeing Jefferson staring into space. Jefferson snaps his attention back to the matter at hand.

“No, no, it’s alright. It’s true anyway.” He lets out a nervous chuckle. “Are you feeling better now?”

Alex still felt a little lightheaded and he was extremely tired, but he certainly felt calmer. “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

“Would you like to talk about it?” Jefferson softens his voice. Alex suddenly wants to be in Jefferson’s arms again. 

“Um, it’s kind of silly.” He sheepishly counters, not wanting to sound like an idiot in front of Jefferson. He’s already been embarrassed enough for a day, so he hopes that the other man will take the hint.

Jefferson nods, surprisingly. He is the type of person to pry into other people’s business just for the sake of obtaining knowledge. He never has enough to learn, and always grasps at straws for something that’ll capture his interest, so Alex is speechless when the older man drops the topic.

An awkward silence ensues, and Alex is the one who breaks it. “Sorry if I woke you up, by the way.” 

Jefferson’s eyes flick up upon hearing the apology. “You didn’t wake me up, I was in the library. Don’t worry about it.” So Alex was right; Jefferson was exactly where he predicted him to be earlier. Alex would be with the same person right now if he had gone to the library, but this current position is definitely better since nobody else had to witness his panic attack.

They both stay silent for a while, and Alex starts drifting off as Jefferson is brooding. Jefferson must notice, because he speaks up again. “You can’t fall asleep here. And I’m pretty sure your dorm will be more comfortable than the bathroom floor.” He gets up on his feet and offers a hand to help Alex up. 

“I don’t want to head back.” Alex covers his eyes with his arm. “Too much on my mind right now. You can leave if you want to.”

Jefferson lowers his hand and sighs, lowering himself to Alex’s level again. “Like I previously stated, I’m not leaving you alone.” 

“You’re only taking a toll on yourself. I’ll be here all night, so you might as well as leave now.” Alex mumbles, taking his arm off his face to look at the other man. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his curly hair is falling out of its ponytail. It is frizzy and unkempt around the edges. He looks like he could use a good night’s rest, and Alex feels guilty for keeping him here. “Really, you should catch some sleep, Jefferson.”

Jefferson shakes his head, adamant on staying put. “I’m not changing my mind. And you can call me Thomas, there’s no need to be formal.” 

“Okay, Thomas.” He tests out the new name, smiling at how the word sounds. 

It’s weird how they never had a conversation without it being a debate, until now. It required Alex to have a full blown panic attack for Thomas to finally soften up to him. Life is funny like that. 

Alex sighs, closing his eyes. The storm is dying down by now, and he notices that he must’ve been unaware of the occasional strikes of thunder, because he doesn’t remember hearing them recently. Thomas must’ve distracted him enough for him to tune out the racket outside. 

Thomas has been nothing but nice to Alex today, and Alex feels obligated to return the favor. The least he could do is tell him about the reason he had a panic attack. He isn’t about to explain thoroughly, just give Thomas a general idea. 

“I changed my mind. Do you still want to know why I had a panic attack?” He asked quietly.

Thomas stares at him for a moment before tentatively nodding. He didn’t want to pressure Alex to answer, but he wants him to talk about it instead of bottling up his emotions. 

“Okay, so, there was a hurricane that destroyed my town when I was 17.” Thomas ponders this for a moment. He’s heard of this, but he doesn’t know the details. Alex takes the quiet as a sign to go on. “It demolished my entire town, and many lives were lost. Every time a heavy storm hits, it reminds me of that incident and I don’t want to relive it. I’m always afraid to lose someone else that I care about.”

Thomas just nods. He doesn’t know what it’s like to go through that, so he admires Alex. Admires his strength in the face of tragedy and hardships. The determination to continue, the willpower that Thomas himself never had. 

He doesn’t know why he had always been a jerk to Alex before today, but he regrets every second of it. Alexander Hamilton is an enigma. A puzzle that he wants to decipher. And it’s a far fetched goal, but it’s never too late to try. He could do so now. And he will. 

He’ll respect Alex from now on. 

He glances at his watch. 5:08 am. Perfect. “Me, you, breakfast. I’m paying. What do you say?” 

Alex stares for a moment before grinning. “Let’s go.”


End file.
